National neonatal mental health week

National neonatal mental health week

I am a mum to three our first baby was very poorly and unfortunately died we now have two more little ones but I still think about those 12 days on the neonatal unit and yes it definitely impacted on mental health.

I am also a neonatal nurse which is my passion since having my first baby. I just wanted share my experience on both sides of the coin. 

I have nursed neonates all over the north west for the last three and a half years being part of many babies different journeys. Watching parents as they go to hell and back but also being there for many tears of joy. I do feel very privileged to do the job I do sharing moments that are so raw with emotion. You see neonatal units are different to any other ward to me it feels like walking into a womb! With a comforting smell (usually freshly washed sheets and toast).

Weather your stay is short or long it affects you! 

When most  families see the two little pink lines on the pregnancy test they are anticipating a beautiful bundle of joy that they just can’t wait to meet and bring home to see the rest of their families.

But that just doesn’t happen when your a  NICU family. 

Lots of parents have never even heard of a neonatal unit never mind, stepped foot on to a one, (I know I hadn’t). It can be a very alien place especially when emotions are running so high.

When babies land on our units it is usually from delivery (sometimes a very difficult delivery) and parents don’t always get a chance to hold or even see their child. Could you just imagine that for a moment? This baby you have waited for has now been whisked away. You would go into a state a shock wouldn’t you? 

Dads/ birthing partners are usually told to wait with mum until we call them round as we have to do lots of things to do to stabilise the babies. Again this is a foreign concept (especially if you have had a baby before with no neonatal care needed).

Babies don’t always look how parents would expect especially when they are so premature or with other health conditions. Sometimes their skin can look translucent and they can look fetal, (when they are so premature). They may have a tube in the mouth helping them to breath, lots of cannulas in their body (including their head) umbilical lines and a tube in their nose. It can be a major shock for some parents especially if you have never seen a baby like this (some parents might not have seen any in hospital never mind their own child).


There are so many barriers within the NICU, although we are continually learning new ways to help the bonding process between babies and parents who are on the unit. It can be very difficult for parents to comprehend that this baby who was inside them a short time ago  is now in a incubator, there is lots of medical professionals and lots of beeping. When parents first arrive on the unit many are unsure about what they can & cant do  when their baby is so poorly.

The incubator 

The incubator in my opinion is the best thing since sliced bread and becomes home to premature babies all over the world, however it is also the biggest barrier on the neonatal unit.

Most babies on the unit are very premature and that cause problems for skin to skin & bonding. When babies are so sick they need to be in the incubators with humidity inside (it can be difficult to even see the baby it’s like a rain forest) or they could be to unstable to move out for a cuddle with mum or dad.

Sometimes if babies are really poorly or really premature we use the least handling as possible thus enabling them to rest & grow as lots of movement burns calories. And that is our job as nurses and doctors to make babies better. But as for parents who are sitting next to the incubator it can evoke so many emotions. 

Not being able to hold your baby close for as long as you want, breastfeed, show them to all your friends and family without restriction.
All these things play on your mind as a parent on the NICU you ask yourself why our family! But the reality is over 100000 babes are cared for in neonatal units over the UK every year. 

Parents could experience feelings such as anxiety about the situation or the road that lies ahead for themselves and their baby. Grief  - mourning the loss of a “normal delivery an post natal period”. Guilt - Thinking that they have done something to cause their baby to go into neonates.
Sadness at the fact they cannot hold their baby, bath their baby have a private moment between their family without a nurse being their. 
Grief - some babies are too poorly and don’t live and parents have to deal with the impact of this for the rest of their lives.
Jealously of parents who have babies and go home the next day from hospital. 

All of these feelings are normal and I have personally felt every one. I feel there is definitely not enough support for parents and families during and after the NICU stay. Due to this lots of parents have post traumatic stress disorder following their babies time on the unit.

I’m not entirely sure what the answer is, but I do think being open and honest about your issues and emotions talking with family friends, councillors, GP’s (and nurses and doctors if still on the unit) may elevate some of the issues. As a problem shared is a problem halved. 

But after the journey is over we as health care professionals hope parents can forget about us on the unit but the reality is they don’t forget. You see this hospital stay is not like any other and the style of nursing is like no other either. Parents will remember every aspect of their journey homing in on the exceptional and the abominable. (I can remember every single nurse that looked after my baby).

So many happy beautiful memories are made also some sad diagnosis’s. But however you look at it this is never how the parent had planned when seeing the two little pink lines.

Links for support for parents :






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