Consent in children

 Consent in children 

I have been compelled to write this as I have had a mad amount of messages from a few things I shared on Instagram.

@thedrapergirls

With lots of questions like how do I say it to people it’s just expected now the child is older.

There’s loads of ways I will explain ....

You (as an adult) can say no to kisses, foreplay and sex to any adult and that should be respected but we force children to kiss relatives and or anyone we’re close to.

I mean what the actual....

You (as an adult) wouldn’t go to a bar with someone an then say I won’t buy you a drink unless you give me a kiss (if  you did say this it’s unhealthy and abusive relationship) 

We need to teach our kids about healthy relationships! It’s very very important! 

Most abuse occurs within the family 

So why would we MAKE/ FORCE them to kiss family member for an adults gratification? 

I know no one wants to think it happens in their family but truth is 1 in 20! children in the uk have been abused (NSPCC)

Or if it hasn’t  happened it could of in previous generations!

And we still carry on with this, kiss blah blah

Then there comes: 

I need a kiss - (just think about this one an adult saying I NEED A KISS - no they don’t ) 

If you don’t kiss them you will - 

Make them sad

Fake crying (from the adult)

You won’t receive xyz

All of these sayings are not encouraging positive healthy relationships.

A child’s world view is mostly formed by the age of 7! Now if you have been doing this (most people have myself included) what sort of view is the child going to have! But there’s always time to improve! 

Ps I don’t care if you say well it didn’t harm me blah blah... it definitely harmed some people making them believe they have to do what the adult wants in regard to personal physical contact. 

Our children have been through the absolute mill this year an haven’t been in contact with many people as soon as we get back to normal it’s kiss this person kiss that person 

NO NO NO

First of all this can be very overwhelming I know my children have been.

Consent is learned at an early age.

How can you force children to kiss and have physical contact ie hugging and tickling, and then say respect your body? Following on from that parents then saying don’t you be sleeping with the world when you have actively encouraged them to kiss every Tom dick and Harry from birth? 

It’s absolutely bonkers 

All of this is to please an adult? Surely we don’t want to put that in our children’s head?

All this going to see Father Christmas an plonking a child on his knee when their screaming - that is not consent an it’s not cute! 

Now I have done these things - but we learn an we grow as parents we don’t stay in the same mid set.

But saying NO is fine you could say it in other ways more discrete ways being an advocate for your child is essential as a parent they rely on you for safety. 

The world has changed now it’s a different world post covid - possibly a good thing 

So our family are very aware of this now I have made it explicitly clear that we don’t want this for our children anymore, yes I have been very direct but there’s other layers to this -

Covid will still be around 

RVS in babies can make them very poorly 

An HERPES the COLDSORE virus stop kissing children for all these legitimate reasons. These are also reasons I don’t want people kissing our children even if cold sores aren’t active they could be starting an the person might not know they they’ve passed it on to your child.

Who if they are a baby they could die! 

We hope this has given you food for thought even if you are not a parent if you could see where we are coming from 

Please remember children saying NO moving away or not being interested is absolutely ok!

Please feel free to share or follow us on insta @thedrapergirls 

 @sexposive_families on insta is a really helpful resource.